Saturday List Vol. 3

The Saturday List on an actual Saturday? Well, well. It's 1 o'clock in the middle of the night and I'm waiting for a load of laundry to finish so I can pack for my trip to Worcester tomorrow for Lance & Kaylee's wedding (annnd for hanging out with all of my Worcester people. I've been going through withdrawal). When it comes to packing, I am the worst procrastinator and it absolutely has to do with the fact that it's my least favorite portion of traveling. Over the course of the next month I have three separate trips before I leave to move to New Zealand. Which equates to packing four separate times. Lord help us all. Now onto my regularly unscheduled Saturday randoms.

1. I am such a sucker for Dad jokes. My dad is, well, very stereotypical in the humor department. Whenever I'm around him I can't help but spew terrible puns and jokes. They frequently fly out of my mouth apparently without first passing through my dense grey matter. One time I was reunited with my parents for no less than two minutes when I dropped the punniest pun of them all. Dad was utterly tickled in the most giddy, gleeful way. Mom, well... 

not so much.

Anyways, I actually L-ed-OL at this gem:

(I pinky promise it's worth all 104 seconds of your life)

"Two Chips" / An Animated Short from Adam Patch on Vimeo.

Based on a true story.

Narration by Morgan Patch

3. I partook in some Warby Parker home try-on shenanigans a couple weeks ago, which means that really soon I can get some prescription sunnies! (Once I get my act together and get them my prescription... I need to give myself an ultimatum like two weeks ago). Protect my eyes from the sun and be able to see at the same time without layering my glasses? How novel. This has happened more times than I care to admit and it's a picture of both style and comfort wrapped up in one unfortunate package.

4. I got a backpack yesterday for my move to New Zealand. I'm preetttyyyyy sure I was definitely at least a little bit swindled, but... I know not what I'm doing. Tell me I'm not the only one who feels super uncomfortable going into stores for the adventurous outdoorsmenandwomen among us? Even if I had hiked the AT, canoed the entirety of the Great Lakes, and completed some 100-miler ultra races, I'm pretty certain I would still feel out of place. Just me getting inferiority vibes? Okay. I have a few chances to test out the new pack before my move, so fingers crossed that I was persuaded wisely. Note to self and others: when being fitted for backpacks, it is probably wise to wear a turtleneck because... sternum straps.

5. You'll never notice that I skipped number two.  Or maybe you will.

6.  Laundry's done, so now I need to go pack-slash-actuallyjustmoveallthatcrapoffmybedsoIcansleep. 

Peace out, Girl Scout.

Unsolicited Shoddy Sewing Tutorial /// Infant Swaddler

By no means am I any sort of expert or anywhere close to having a tiny human of my own, but I recently made a swaddler for a friend who is having a baby this fall.  I roughly followed this tutorial and pattern that I found here.

Step 1. Go to Little City Radio and turn on your playlist of choice now because if you're a speed-demon sew-er (not sewer like I just typed. Probably the term would be seamstress, but um... no) like I am... you'll be at this for a while. I blame my middle school home ec (or as my school called it "Home and Career Studies," abbreviated to the ever-charming "HACS" (pronouced "hacks" in the off-chance you were hoping otherwise)) teacher who would dole out speeding tickets to problem students who were putting the sewingmachinepedal to the metal.  

Step 2. Go here follow the better tutorial that comes with the pattern. I'm going to rehash it here in excruciating detail and with mediocre photos for when I decide to make another one in a year or seven. 

 After cutting out and sewing the darts on all four pieces

no visual aid for that because..........

pin those suckers up!

 comme ça

They recommend pressing the seams

The bottom edge kind of makes that impossible?

That, or I'm really dense.

 Slip the shell into the liner, right sides together.

Pin around the top part.

 Those corners are sort of nightmarish.

Real seamstresses would probably have a solution

and/or not be intimidated.

I faked it until I made it...

 ...because you have to navigate sewing over two seams

and deal with that awkward angle,

so I took several mental/ chocolate breaks.

Don't forget to leave a 3-4" opening

so that you can flip it right-side-out.

My favorite portion of every sewing project.

How appropriate.

On like four different levels.

I top-stitched the whole way around the top, per Gail's recommendation. I don't know how people have nice top-stitching that just skims the edge of their work, but I always have a minimum of 1/4 inch because I'm really talented and can also clearly sew in a straight line.  Don't look too closely.  I also  unintentionally stabbed myself with straight pins more times than I could count during this little top-stitching jaunt. Probably because for some reason I felt the need to pin every half inch. Don't do that.

Step 3. Meticulously rip out a seam because the thread randomly breaks (?). Make sure to be sewing the prickly hook side of the velcro when this happens so that every stitch snags. Also be sure that you don't own a seam ripper. 

Using thread that isn't 25 years old also might help to avoid this little conundrum. Or not. Because then you can claim that it's "vintage" and not at all "I never buy thread and instead raid my mom's sewing basket," and apparently "vintage" is trendy or whatever.  If that's your thing. Look at you go! Using that vintage thread! You're suddenly such a trend-follower!

You should plan on a solid 45 minutes to pull out this much thread. 

Also plan to destroy that piece of velcro. 

Step 4. Drop the scissors on your bare foot. Twice. Both times say a little prayer of thanks that they did zero physical damage and only slight psychological damage.

Step 5. Pin & sew on that velcro. You're in the home stretch! Or if you choose to complete this in one day, you're in a special state of insanity.

 I doubled up the velcro on all but the outside left flap because my velcro was on the skinnier side.

**Please note my crochet hook-turned-point turner. I'm fancy like that.

Feeeen.

Baby straitjacket accomplished.

Now throw that thing in the wash to get rid of the evidence of your excessive use of washable marker, Cheryl. 

Here's to hoping a small child will actually fit in this thing.

Cheers,

Cheryl

The Rundown 2.0

Are you a real runner, jogger, speed-walker, regular-walker, mall-walker, or wogger?

Just save your eye-rolls for more worthy causes and x out of this one now.

A. Still don't like cicadas. Or loose dogs. Plural. I passed my neighbor who was sitting in her yard, in charge of two of the three dogs. To her credit, one of them got away from her when the third dog of unknown ownership was taunting it. She escaped on my fourth lap (please note that they live at the very top of the hill aka when I'm most likely to assume death is near and I maybe on one occasion bargained with God that if this is the case to please be merciful and take me before I have to make it to the very top of the hill, so help me You). Anyways, as the dog got away from her I just kept plodding along at a pace that would put zero elderly people to shame. And then on the downhill when I regained a modicum of sanity I began to question my unneighborly decision. We can go ahead and put that extra purgatory time on my tab. To be fair by lap 4 I was seriously questioning whether that was lap 3 or 4 and was about to losemymind if it was only the third, sooo... Perhaps the bearded hippie upstairs will be kind because I had lost enough of my mental faculties to be at the point of struggling with preschool-level counting skills. We'll see, I guess.

B. Miles: 2.85 (or 6 laps around the block. Stopped for a long break between laps 4 and 5 to have a good cry in my backyard. Did somebody say melodrama? Thought so). This loop is a giant hill and it's either a reeeally sucky short 1/4 of a lap or a mostly-sucky drawn-out 3/4 of a lap. First 4 laps were the latter and then I womanned up and went the reverse (steeper shorter uphill) for the last two because... I was in the mindframe of getthisoverwithassoonaspossible.

C. F-bombs dropped: surprisingly merely a single half-hearted only-in-my-head one upon sighting aforementioned loose dog in my path.

D. Number of times I was sure I was dying: 2-3